That Should Be Me
by ElevatedSuperstar
Summary: In which Logan feels regret, sadness, and hurt. That lost feeling that we all know only too well. Song-fic for an amazing song.


**Hey guys. I would say this is for Logan's birthday, but it is a bit angsty, so I'll say the fact that he is the main character is for his birthday. As we all know, James is my forte writing character, so this is a change up. All rights go to Big Time Rush and Justin Bieber.**

**Let's see, this is written on account of my weekend. I've been listening to this song all weekend, because I saw someone I broke up with dancing with someone else, and it came to me. Also, if you have felt like this, you know how I am feeling. Also written on account of my dance partner.**

**Tristan, this is for you.**

* * *

**That Should Be Me**

**Everybody's laughing in my mind.  
Rumors spreadin' 'bout this other guy.  
Do you do what you did when you did with me,  
Does he love you the way I can?  
Did you forget all the plans that you made with me?  
Cause baby I didn't.**

When I walked through the pool area, everyone looked up. They were laughing, laughing at me. I knew it. _Wow_, they were thinking. _Logan let a good one get away._ Apparently she moved on, when I'm still here, stuck. All of the Palm Woods residents were probably calling me a loser.

Then again, maybe this was all in my mind. Maybe nobody at all cared.

Nobody accept for me.

Regardless, the hot topic to discuss was Steve and Camille. It was the couple everyone liked to gossip about, whether at the pool, in the lobby, or in the parking lot. I heard snatches of conversation as I walked to the lobby. Who was this Steve guy anyway? I wondered if he could love Camille like I do. I wondered where they go for dates. Is Camille trying to finish the list we started together? Are they going to the roof, the place I always took her to see the sunset?

We made a plan to go to the ocean and watch the sunset. Then, we were going to take a picture of our silhouettes in the sand, made from the dying rays of the sun. I wondered if she remembered.

I know I do.

**That should be me, holding your hand.  
That should be me, making you laugh.  
That should be me, this is so sad.  
That should be me! That should be me!  
That should be me, feeling your kiss.  
That should be me, buying you gifts.  
This is so wrong.  
I can't go on,  
'Til you believe…**

**That That should be me…  
That should be me.**

I ended up going to Palm Woods Park. There I could think in peacefulness.

If only.

I saw them, buying popcorn at the street vendor. That should be me! Not him. I should be over there, my hand locked in hers. Who was Steve, over there acting like he was in love with her? She giggled about something that he said. Steve shouldn't be making Camille laugh! That should be me!

I looked down at my shoes, trying not to watch. There was too much envy inside of me. Envy and regret. I loathed myself right now, sitting on this wet park bench and full of self pity. Camille is right to not love me. She just doesn't know that that should be me.

I looked up just as Steve leaned forward smoothly, cutting off her laughter with a kiss. I was appalled. That should be me, feeling her kiss! He handed her the popcorn that he paid for. Why wasn't I in his place, handing the clerk a ten and kissing Camille, bringing a smile to her face? It was wrong, watching a stranger take my place.

Then Camille looked up, and our eyes met. My stomach went icy as the two of them came over.

"Logan," she addressed me. "What are you doing?"

I cleared my throat, trying to ignore Steve. "I'm sitting on a park bench."

Camille rolled her eyes. "I know that, but it looked like you were watching us. Isn't that kind of… weird?"

Her words hurt. I shook my head. "I'm sorry, it's just… I feel like I can't move on."

"Logan, you _need _to move on." It was so harsh, so matter of fact.

"I can't." The words surprised us both. "I don't think you get it Camille." I wasn't even thinking, just letting my heart do the talking. "I don't think you realize that I love you the most. I- I don't think I can move on. Not until you understand that we should be together."

"Hey, I'm with her now." Steve said, stepping forward. "So why don't you just back off?"

I understood his position. "I know. But Camille needs to know that I love her more than anything. Then she can decide what to do."

Steve had an angry look, so Camille turned to him. "Steve, can I talk to Logan and get this settled? I promise it'll be fast. After all, it's almost evening."

**You said you needed a little time for my mistakes.  
It's funny how you used that time to have me replaced.  
Did you think that I wouldn't see you out at the movies?  
What you doin' to me,  
You're taking him where we used to go!  
Now if you're tryin' to break my heart  
It's working, cause you know…**

"I'll meet you on the roof." Then he walked away.

I felt my insides melt. The roof? She had really moved on that quickly? When I was here, watching in the park? I suddenly felt pathetic.

"Logan, are you angry?" she asked.

"We broke up because you said that I was always too literal. I didn't make enough time for the two of us. So we decided to take some time. That way, I could fix myself."

"And?"

"It's just kind of… ironic. You used the time I was using to put myself to your standard to replace me. Replace me with… him." I nodded towards Steve's retreating back.

Camille looked down at her flowery pink dress. "I- I didn't think you knew we were together."

"Did you think I wouldn't see you out at the movies? I was there! And now, you're taking him where we used to go! You're taking him to our spot on the roof! The place with 'Logan and Camille' hearts written in chalk!"

"I didn't think any of that stuff mattered to you! You were always serious about your work, about your schooling! So I found somebody that I thought would put me first!"

"Did you?" I asked quietly. "Or are you just trying to break my heart again, so that I could see that yes, you moved on to something better. Well guess what? It's working."

"Logan, please." She pleaded as I stood to walk away. "I know you think we should still be together, but should we? All we ever did was fight about everything!"

**I need to know should I fight for love,  
Or disarm.  
It's getting harder to shield…  
It's breaking my heart!**

"Of course we should still be together! I want to be him so badly." I said to her, taking her hands. "But I know you feel differently. I thought the fighting meant that we were strong enough to always stay together."

Her eyes were watering, and I hated that. I never wanted her to be upset.

"What should we do?"

"I just want to know if I have a chance. Should I keep at this struggle trying to get you back, or should I just accept it? Am I ever going to win you back?"

Her response was a shaking of her head, whether it was a decline or she didn't know. It tore my heart open, watching her grab her bag. "I've got to go, Logan. I promised to meet Steve." Then she left.

I caught up to her. "Camille, I'm so sorry. But it should me. I hate seeing you hold his hand. I want to hold your hand. I want to surprise you with flowers and make you laugh. I want to stay up all night talking to you about nothing, then being really tired for rehearsal in the morning. Camille, that should be me."

Then, she turned to look at me. Brightness in her eyes. "I know." Then she was gone. I sat on the bench again as the sun began to sink, before Kendall, Carlos, and James came and found me.

"I'm sorry, Logan." Kendall said, clapping me on the back. Carlos sat next to me while James put an arm around my shoulders.

"I never should've let her go." I remember saying.

"It's okay. I think, in a way, she sees that." James said with a funny look on his face.

I sighed. "I never should've let her go." I repeated to myself. I looked up at the Palm Woods, seeing two silhouettes, darkened by the dying light. "That should be me."

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**I don't know. I really don't. I just expressed myself through Logan. If you don't like Justin Bieber, please don't hate. I don't think people should hate just because they don't like. Thanks.**


End file.
